“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was 6. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
– Shirley Temple

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
– Bernard Manning

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and receipts for all major purchases.”
– Bridger Winegar

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
– Victor Borge